Do you think you know listening?

True listening is an ART form and a skill. We are NOT born with it. It is what everyone should try to excel in as it would benefit them in everything they do. I thought I was a good listener until Jack Zenger and Joseph Folkman wrote this article that articulates what listening actually is.

Apart from eye contact, not interrupting, head nodding, taking notes, or the typical one-way interaction, it also includes:

1) asking questions that promote discovery and insight in a constructive manner

2) includes a two-way dialog rather than a one-way interaction like "speaker vs hearer"

3) builds a person's self esteem by making the other feel supported, conveyed confidence and trust

4) challenges the assumption and can disagree, not wanting to win an argument but on a helping tone

5) provides feedback and open up other alternative paths to reconsider using suggestions as option method

6) using the word "allow" - "if you allow me to..." makes the person feel secure and trusted

7) is not judgmental and does not provoke the other to frustrations

8) creates a safe environment of trust

9) clears distractions like mobile devices, laptops and making eye contact

10) restate issues to confirm correct understanding

11) observes non verbal cues like facial expressions, perspiration, respiration rates, gestures, posture, and numerous other subtle body language signals

12) empathizing and validates their feelings

13) never high jack the conversation to turn the real issue to something else

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